Timeless & Unfiltered
Welcome to Timeless & Unfiltered, the podcast where we keep it real, raw, and refreshing for women in midlife. This channel dives into the joys and challenges of midlife with humor, honesty, and heart. From navigating menopause, dating, and fashion to tackling health, relationships, and rediscovering passions, we cover it all—nothing is off-limits!
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Timeless & Unfiltered
A Mother-Son Conversation You’ll Never Forget
In this heartfelt and deeply personal Mother’s Day special, Leggra sits down with her son DuBois (aka Dubwaah) for a raw, unfiltered conversation about their journey — from the early days of mother and child to the evolving dynamic of mother and grown man.
Together, they reflect on:
The joys and challenges of growing up together
How DuBois perceived his mother as a child vs. now as a man
The shifting roles, respect, and realities that come with adulthood
Healing, understanding, and learning to see each other through grown-up eyes
What it truly means to love, protect, and evolve as family
This episode is full of laughter, honesty, and emotional depth — a celebration of growth, legacy, and the unbreakable bond between a mother and her son.
✨ Whether you're a mom, a son, or someone navigating family dynamics — this conversation will touch your heart.
🛎️ Subscribe for more real talk, unfiltered stories, and powerful connections every week on Timeless & Unfiltered.
👇 Drop your thoughts in the comments and share how your relationship with your parent or child has evolved over the years. We want to hear your story!
#TimelessAndUnfiltered #MothersDay #MotherSon #Dubwaah #Leggra #Podcast #FamilyTalk #HealingConversations #BlackMothers #Growth #ParentingAdultChildren
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You check me a lot, I mean.
Speaker 2:A lot. Someone asked you A lot Once again. If there was a husband he'd be doing it A lot of times, you're right, but damn, let me have one. I do think a lot of it a lot of times. In the black community is not seeing children as people worthy of respect. Do as I say, not as I do, because I said so, and part of being an adult, like we said, is dropping the curtain. I see the b**** sometimes.
Speaker 1:I remember being pregnant with you the day I had you. It was the day I knew I was not going to have any kids. I didn't think I could love another kid like I loved you yeah.
Speaker 1:This is Legra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and this is legra. This is Stephanie, this is Sheree and this is Evania. And this is timeless and unfiltered, where we are spilling the tea on midlife. One laugh at a time. Welcome to another episode of timelesseless and Unfiltered. I'm Legra and I don't have my co-host with me, but happy Mother's Day. This is a Mother's Day edition, and so I'm actually very honored to be spilling the tea today with my son, mr Du Bois.
Speaker 2:Honored, I'm honored, wow, wow. What do you mean? What do you mean?
Speaker 1:Okay, first let me start off by saying he acts just like me, so we're going to see where this conversation goes. But yes, I am very honored for you to be sitting on the timeless and unfiltered couch for our Mother's Day edition yeah, it's interesting being on the other side.
Speaker 2:You know, I usually have my chair over there yes everything.
Speaker 1:So I was like okay, let's see how this goes yes, well, I was hoping we had a just a conversation just about our journey as as-son. You always hear about mother-son dynamics, good or bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good or bad and how we have evolved as mother-child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, valid.
Speaker 1:You know, and now mother and I got a grown man.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know and how our relationship has grown, how it's changed, how you know, you've been my rock for the last couple years, as I've been on a cancer journey and yeah all those different things and we just gonna see where this conversation goes. We don't know y'all right now. We don't know where our conversation that is cool.
Speaker 2:People have always like my friends and everything I've always been like. Oh, such a great relationship. And I go, wow, you have such a cool mom.
Speaker 1:If only they knew Right, let me get some patty out here, honey.
Speaker 2:If only they knew no, but I mean that's been. I would say that's been a constant, even growing up. I mean you know like you would come to school hey, you're Du Bois' mom or Miss Du Bois' mom, right, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's like I feel like people have always seen our relationship, even just the dynamic we have. I mean, we argue. You know, jordan and Alex were here this past weekend. Alex sees it all the time, jordan is new to it, but he's like oh, I get y'all differences, but I also get y'all similarities. Yes, we really do have a lot in common, and I think, growing up, or as I get older, as you get older, it's about trying to figure out what these new personalities and these new wants and wishes look like. I've always known you as mom. You've been mom for God knows how long.
Speaker 1:For all of your life.
Speaker 2:But I think over the last few years you've had to be a lot less mom-centered.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Being mom isn't like your personality anymore. It's like, okay, it's a part of you. So learning you and figuring out who the hell is Legro I like mom. I don't know too much about Legro, you know a lot about Legro.
Speaker 1:You probably know know too much about Allegra. You know a lot about Allegra. You probably know way too much about Allegra.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if me and Allegra would have been cool like that. Me and mom are great. You don't know if you like Allegra. I don't know if me and Allegra rock and roll like that, but me and mom are cool.
Speaker 1:Why is mom different than Allegra?
Speaker 2:No, I think I like Legra more than I like mom. To be honest, I think I like Legra more than I like mom, and I think it's something that every parent does. You feel like you have to be Mom, Big dog in the house. You know what I mean, and over the last few years I mean obviously after going through chemo and everything I think a lot of your walls have just come down and you were never like super strict, major pain.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say was.
Speaker 2:I no, you've always been fun and you've always had a really like. There's always been a light-hearted aspect to our relationship yeah but I think that that's been a lot more on the forefront. We're in sync lately where the moon is in the sky. I think that you've suppressed a lot of your personality.
Speaker 1:But I think you know what these are, conversations that Sharice and I have all the time. I think a lot of times and I don't know why we, as parents, feel like we have to. You remember the saying you know, do as I say not as I do right saying you know, do as I say, not as I do, right, so we, we always it's something about being responsible for another human being like, yeah, as a parent, we're responsible for you, so you always want to set a good example, so you don't.
Speaker 1:We don't let you see the sides that are off. You know what I'm saying. We don't let you see, well, some parents don't. We don't want you to know that we're broke yeah, you know what I'm saying and or that we're struggling, what we don't want you to stress and we don't want you to worry. So we hide a lot of things and we suppress a lot of things to protect what we think are protecting you, but and sometimes I think it's not protecting you. Like, I think sometimes you need to see some of these things that we hide from you and, I think, in our relationship because, um, you know, with your dad and I splitting with you, being at a very young age, I was a young parent, even though I wasn't a teen parent, yeah, but I rarely even babysat when I was a kid, so I didn't know how to take care of a child yeah you know.
Speaker 1:So you were kind of an experiment. You were a guinea pig on a lot of things, honey, because I didn't know, I didn't know how. So you were my first child and only child, which is funny, because taking me down another story, honey, because I told y'all we don't know where we're going to end up with this story, with this episode. I always wanted a lot of kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I knew I was going to have five kids. I knew I wanted like five kids, I wanted a starting lineup. They was going be athlete, yeah, they were gonna be all of that. But the funny thing was I remember at which I don't remember a whole lot of things, but I remember being pregnant with you. I Remember the day I had you very vividly, like it was yesterday that I remember that, which is so funny, and I think it was because it was the day I knew I was not gonna have no more kids. I didn't think I could love and that's to this day and I mean, if I heard me say it I didn't think I could love another kid like I loved you yeah when I saw you and people always say oh no, you love them differently.
Speaker 1:I was like nope, nope, I'm telling you, I don't know what this thing did to me when he came out and ripped me and I had to get stitches and she had to stitch me back together remember how we said we know too much about each other oh yeah, oh honey, all of those things, but I don't.
Speaker 1:I just knew I was like I love this little thing right here, which is funny because I never. I was not that that girl that dreamed about being married. You know, some people dream of their weddings and marriage or they they dream about their, their families and kids. I never even thought about having kids. So it was something about when you were born and I just said, oh yeah, it wouldn't be fair, I would not be fair to the other children and I don't know if it was because you were the first and experiencing that kind of love for someone. It was hard. I dropped you a couple times, you know.
Speaker 2:It shows, it shows.
Speaker 1:I dropped you a couple of times. You know, um, I still remember the first time I dropped you, I had an epidural when you were born and no one told me that it stays in your system for so long, even though I was up and about and everything. And I think, um I, after you, were released from the hospital because you were jaundiced. I don't know if you remember that.
Speaker 2:Well, I remember that. I've told you that, yeah, I was up there.
Speaker 1:Right, you were there, but I told you that. So you stayed in the hospital like an extra three, four, five days.
Speaker 1:I can't remember how many days and luckily you were born in the middle of Kansas and it was you and one other baby in the whole freaking hospital, so I had a lot of attention from all the nurses there was nobody else in the maternity ward because you were in the middle of Kansas but just being able to nurture you and stuff, and I think also seeing you so vulnerable because you were in like an incubator and all that kind of stuff. And then when it was time to come home with you, I remember the nurses and I was like wait, y'all not coming with me, like what am I supposed to do with him when I get home, you know? And so I always was so careful with you and carrying you. And I remember walking down the stairs one day and literally I had no legs Like gone, like my whole body went numb and and I didn't find out till later it's like, yeah, the epidural, you know it stays in your system for quite some time and like literally at that very moment my legs were numb.
Speaker 1:I was walking down the stairs and I remember I dropped you for the first time, look, and I thought I broke you and I thought I broke you and I cried. I don't think I cried so hard. Well, first of all, the scream that you had when you hit the floor, yeah, was excruciatingly painful for me. So I was like, oh my god, and I remember calling the doctor and we were gonna get you there. The doctor's like, oh, he's fine. I was like I don't need to bring him in. He's like, oh, no, he's fine, his bones are soft, he ain't broke nothing or whatever. It more scared you. It probably scared him more than it hurt him and stuff. And I don't know. I think at that moment it did.
Speaker 1:Your dad got to a point. He wouldn't let me carry you anymore and you're going downstairs. Call me when you're coming down the stairs, I'll come get him. Like I can carry my baby. We didn't have brails in the 90s. No, we did. But you know, first of all, you haven't had children yet and you definitely aren't a mom. We have everything. I had the baby in this hand. I was probably carrying something else in this hand. I probably had something on my back.
Speaker 2:You know, we're always multitasking. Yeah, we're always multitasking.
Speaker 1:We can't. We're mothers, we can't focus right. We got to take care of everything. So I remember dropping you and that was just probably the most excruciating thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you probably didn't need another kid, because you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1:It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1:It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2:And you know I think growing up I felt like I always wanted siblings, but it kind of took me some time to mentally kind of wrap my head around, even like will's in that relationship yeah, you know, like which is your my nephew yeah, will will and I to this day be like that's my brother. We don't really we rarely really call each other cousins at this point, because there's not a point. I mean, you think, about.
Speaker 1:You guys grew up a lot together too, because you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, we think of everything that quote-unquote brothers are supposed to quote, supposed to do or go through. I mean, we lived in the same house for A lot of your childhood. Probably, at least like 11 of my like pre-18 years. You know what I mean. Like we grew up together in the same space and vicinity and our relationship was a lot more like that. Even Gabriel Gabriel was always around.
Speaker 1:Other nephew.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, gabriel was always around. So I felt like the need for siblings kind of decreased as I got older and then I didn't want to be a big brother. Why do you want to be a big brother? That's a lot of responsibility. You didn't want the responsibility. That's a lot of responsibility. I have to give you words of wisdom. I'm the dumbest person I know. No, I'm not doing that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but you know, my dad always had a really big family and I think seeing the relationship he had with his siblings growing up made me always feel like I needed or wanted siblings. I mean, I have siblings, I have cousins.
Speaker 1:I think that was also one of the reasons why, just as a child, I remember you always stayed the summers with your dad. You always spent 90% of every holiday was with your dad and I remember I think it was Christmas or something you had just come back from Thanksgiving. You're back in school for a couple of weeks and then you're back on Christmas break and I remember you were going to leave for Christmas and I remember my mom God rest her soul was like he just had him for Thanksgiving. He's never home for christmas. I always wanted you to have that big family that I could not give to you, so I never wanted you to feel like you missed out on anything and you were with me all the time. So, yeah, go for the holidays when all the family is together, because your dad was from a very big family, but one of 11 I think it was one of 11 siblings.
Speaker 1:I mean, even when we were married, I remember the first time going to the house and all the. It was a family gathering. All the kids and the cousins and all that stuff were there and stuff and I, being from a smaller family, I wanted you to have that like I wanted. I wanted you to go to family reunions and and all of those, those things. So I'm Hopefully you never felt like I was Getting rid of you or something.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, or like pushing you away for the holidays, but it was an experience I couldn't give you.
Speaker 2:And I used to love women. To this day, I still love going to Kansas City. I was just like there were two years ago last year so many.
Speaker 2:But I think even seeing that or living in that, you can see it in my friend groups. I have big friend groups, yeah, and they might be from here, there, whatever you know, my friends all mesh well together. So when it is time to actually see and I'm not being a recluse, I know I'm going to have and people come over, it's like oh, there's a lot of people here.
Speaker 2:So I do like that because I grew up in that environment I'm always feeling like ain't more people showing up? There's more people showing up, right, where are more people at? That kind of runs through my head a lot and I don't ever really felt like I was being gotten rid of. I think I was damn near throwing my book bag in the car like are you leaving, you're not picking me up early.
Speaker 1:We're not going like right now. Right now. Well, your dad and I never kept a schedule. It was whenever Du Bois wanted to come, we made it happen, and I remember recently having a conversation with you, or just something you shared with me. It wasn't exactly a conversation.
Speaker 1:Where you were saying your dad almost lost his job or something because he was so trying to make sure he was involved in your life, having to take off work or whatever. Because literally whenever he was like I want to see my daddy, I was like okay, you know, like make a phone call.
Speaker 2:Right, you did, you did it. You used to say I want to see my daddy and you did.
Speaker 1:That's how you did it.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I said it like that you have some like auditory disassociation okay, whatever that's.
Speaker 1:That's how he said it y'all, that's that's exactly how he said yeah, but even like, like, same way, I feel like with you.
Speaker 2:I've been growing to know you as a person and not as a parent. You know, dad and I talk a lot about everything.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, um, and I'm so glad for you for that, because you I always felt like you felt, I felt like you felt like you couldn't share with him some of the things that you would share with me. Oh, yeah or talk to him about some things that I would wish, like I don't. I don't want to hear this right now, but I'm going to act like it's not phased in me because I don't want him to think he can't come talk to me.
Speaker 2:This is really a dad issue. Well, I tell people even now, when people ask me about just like my background or like what growing up was like for me, I always say that it's really hard for me to give one straight answer yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, I can't. I feel like I fortunately had parents who were always trying to expose me to a bunch of stuff, and so living with you was different than living with dad. I think you guys had different lifestyles and personalities. Obviously if it was like one household there would have been some differences. But yeah, you were, although although you were still mom, I knew mom was a little bit more of a hot girl, not a bad way, like I was like wait, but like you would throw parties and stuff or like you know I always love entertaining, you know you would.
Speaker 2:There were always people at the house or you were always trying something new. Versus. Dad was like the poster child of stability yes you know, pastor, same job my entire life.
Speaker 2:We moved. He moved houses pretty frequently, but like that, dad had a level of consistency sometimes that I felt like I couldn't disrupt or that I felt like me being myself would be like, whoa, this wasn't in the picture, this isn't in the plan. Like you know, um, sports was a big hurdle and even as as an adult, when dad and I have these conversations, dad has kind of had to tell me, like when you said you didn't want to do sports, I stopped talking about it and as a child, that was such a big thing because I always felt like it was such a yeah, you didn't go back. Well, you didn't go back.
Speaker 1:Well, you didn't play basketball, which is funny because I don't think we, I didn't, I don't think we did. But I've also learned that a child's perception is also different than the adult perception. Like, even for you, you're an artist. Come on, let's say the word You're an artist, you're an artist and you're singing. And I remember you in the backseat of the car, literally in a car seat, singing Earth, wind and Fire. Kid, you not, because you know your parents were old school, like old school music, but Earth, wind and Fire wasn wasn't playing, it wasn't a music on you were just singing in a car seat, singing earth, wind and fire.
Speaker 1:And you should have put me in singing lessons then you were a baby, barely talking, but you were singing earth, wind and fire I should have let you know then okay, I might have missed it. Apparently I missed, missed it, but I remember you talking, well, us talking. And I remember when you came home from school and you said you were going to be in the band at high school and I was like do you know how to play an?
Speaker 1:instrument. He's like nope, but they said they'll teach me and I was like, oh, okay, and then for you to go to F and be in the band the marching 100 being the band and not just do it but to be very good at it and I was like oh, he is definitely musically inclined. I still never saw singing, until you called one day and said hey mom, I got a class and um yeah they're gonna air it online or something and we have to do.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it was a test or something, yeah we have three recitals yeah or something, and I remember logging on so I can see you know Du Bois is gonna sing, you guys, he's gonna sing, and you were singing opera yeah and I was like, okay, wait, whoa like you never told me what you were gonna sing and you were singing opera.
Speaker 1:And then all of a sudden, you know, here we are, graduated from school, trying to figure out your life journey and your career journey, and you said you wanted to sing. And I remember going well, why have you never sang before? And you said to me you never sang in front of me because one time you were in the car singing and I told you to be quiet yeah and I told you to be quiet scarred me and it scarred you.
Speaker 1:And so when I tell you and it's so funny because I had this conversation with sharice after you told me that the things that we say or do to our kids, like we didn't real, like I didn't realize that, scarred you, and then even I don't even remember the moment, so I can't defend myself or I can't, I can't say I did it.
Speaker 1:I can't say I didn't, because I don't even remember the moment, but your perception of me telling you to be quiet, to completely shut that gift off. Yeah, you know what I'm saying where for me, as your mom would hope that that would have been something I could have nurtured if I had have known, but I don't know what was happening in that moment that. I told you to be quiet yeah but the way you perceived it was to never do this again like to never sing again and you know that's what I mean by when I say the way we look at things as as a kid or adult.
Speaker 1:It also made me think about some things like even with my parents. You know, my mom was a hustler, she worked hard and how some some of the things. Like I always say, you take qualities of your parents, you should take qualities of your parents that you love and you incorporate those things in your life. You kind of become your parents, but you also have to see your parents flaws yeah and how people, how we repeat the cycle and it's generational and it.
Speaker 1:But you got to find the things that you didn't like about me or whatever, to make sure you don't repeat those things. So I was thinking about when you said how I told you not to sing. It made me think about my life, how I'm so happy that you have the opportunity to try to pursue your goals and your dreams and I hope that I'm giving you that opportunity to pursue your goals because your dreams, and I hope that I'm giving you that opportunity to pursue your goals because pretty soon we're going to do something else. No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:No, really we're not going to do 30 Lakers, Right? No, we already got so long. But.
Speaker 1:I think just culturally. You know and Cherise, and I talked about this before too we're so easy to kick our kids out at a certain because you've hit this certain age or whatever. But I think about my 20s. I didn't know who I was in my 20s, and so it to give you that time to figure it out and to figure out what you want to do. I think I did a lot of things because I I was expected to do certain things, so that's what I did, and then it didn't align with who I was and then I was unhappy yeah and I'm not saying this to say because your dad and I have a great relationship- in
Speaker 1:terms of respect for each other in hindsight in hindsight, I would have probably never gotten married that early. Um, but it was one of those things. I was kind of expected to do it. But I also think I did it too out of fear, because I was graduating from college and it's like, well, what was next which? What are you supposed to do next? Like you, you couldn't say you know what. I think I'm just gonna gallivant around the country for a while and figure my life out. You know? No, you it was. You're supposed to graduate from high school. You're supposed to go to college. You're supposed to graduate from high school. You're supposed to go to college. You're supposed to get a good job. You're supposed to get married, you're supposed to have kids. And I think I was doing all of those things and I think I woke up one day and said I don't want to do this anymore. Who am I?
Speaker 1:I'm hoping that, while you figure out your journey, that you're doing it on your own terms yeah um, and that I can be as supportive to you as I can while still being mom, while still being mom, but I want you to always feel like you could live your life your way yeah and not of what I expect of you yeah, no, that's fair and and you know we're obviously we've talked about this, yeah, outside of this setting, but even presently I don't fault you for how I took your whole singing career when you've been the next usher.
Speaker 1:Chris Brown saying that as a young child I had to get that out, but no, I don't, I don't fault you because I'm 28 now you have me.
Speaker 2:What 28? I was 28, but no, I don't fault you because I'm 28 now. You had me. At what 28?
Speaker 1:I was 28. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to talk to kids.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. You don't know, I don't know how to talk to kids. You don't know. You just do the best you can I have friends who have kids. And every time I say something, I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and I also don't fault you because I like it, it's nice, yeah um, but I also think that a lot of times what we're like tuned to look out for plays a role in what we see in other people. So you know, like a dad, you and dad were both athletes. Dad worked in athletics. All of my family is freaking athletes. You know what I mean but you were athletic yeah, but that doesn't show up in a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah it does.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. And so it's like I think that a lot of times we look for I told dad, I realized I didn't know how to work hard, or I didn't know how to pursue things I wanted, because everybody was telling me you're an athlete, you're an athlete, you're an athlete and sports came hard to me, not to say I feel like it should be easy, but in my head.
Speaker 2:As a kid I told dad that if this is what I'm supposed to be doing, everything else is about to be 10,000 times harder if this is what everybody's saying oh, you're built for this, you're cut out for this. This is what you're made to be. You're an athlete.
Speaker 2:Shit is hard yeah, being an athlete is hard and I don't want to do this and we wanted you to so badly so badly, and so I think, even like I, I remember growing up like I would sing in church sometimes or, um, I would do like little talent shows at school, like, oh, they're gonna give out candy to whoever sings in the talent show. To my mother, some candy, you know what I mean so like in my bring your candy. Yeah, so like in my head, head, I had all these instances or all these moments where it felt like I was trying and it was just like good job.
Speaker 1:That's what you got from us.
Speaker 2:I mean, that was kind of how it felt you know what I mean Versus, like with basketball. I felt like there was such like a oh, you want to do basketball, okay, let's do it, let's get you a coach, let's put you in private lessons, let's take you to camp, and I just think that, like I said, that's what you guys knew how to nurture, you knew how to raise an athlete. And I, or when my athleticism showed up in different ways, even even though we like to joke like oh, I didn't get rhythm until I was like 14, you know what I mean like I've always loved dancing, even if I was the child who was just hopping around.
Speaker 1:I think it's because you had your father's rhythm as a young child as a young child, oh for sure.
Speaker 1:And then I still remember was it eighth grade, yeah, and you said you were singing in single, I mean dancing in single de mayo. And I was like, oh yeah, oh my god, they're gonna. They gonna laugh at my baby, because my baby didn't have any rhythm. I was like, oh my god, they're gonna laugh at my baby. But everybody come, I brought everybody out. Y'all come and support my baby, y'all better cheer and you've been all of that, I don't care. And you danced your little ass off and I was like when did he get rhythm?
Speaker 1:yeah, because you can't, I don't.
Speaker 2:You can teach someone to dance, but you can't teach rhythm well, you can, and I think that, but I also think that's a perception a lot of people have of the arts I think people look at when you see things like sports as this is a tangible skill somebody had to learn. Nobody comes out of the room playing basketball. Michael phelps, with all his his genetic predispositions, still had to learn how to swim, but I think when it comes to the arts outside of an instrument, people assume you're born with it.
Speaker 2:You're born knowing how to sing. You're born knowing how to dance.
Speaker 1:So you could teach me to sing.
Speaker 2:I would never do that, why not?
Speaker 1:I've always wanted to sing in a church, but it's for selfish reasons. Forgive me, jesus, I've, but it's for selfish reasons. Okay, forgive me, jesus. I've always wanted to make people cry something about when, but that's that I want to that to move you. And when I say make you cry, to move you to the point of tears, like her voice, her message is so moving but that's valid because, honestly, because that's how I feel, and maybe it's like you know what I want to give this to somebody else.
Speaker 1:But then I hear myself and be like, but that's how I feel about singing.
Speaker 2:I've always I've always loved music because of how it makes me feel, and even making my own music. Um, I always have the conversation of like, what would I want someone else to take from this? Like, what's the what's the moment? I would want somebody to play this song, what are they doing? What are they? Are they getting ready for how do they feel? You know what I mean? Yeah, and I think those are the things we're born with when it comes to art.
Speaker 2:You live, your own experiences and then you create that. But the skill of art itself, I mean, that's anything Learning how to paint, learning how to draw, learning how to dance, learning how to sing, being a good writer. I think we feel like people are supposed to be born with these gifts, or we perceive these as gifts people are born with and in actuality, I mean we have to learn it, just to live, to learn everything else.
Speaker 1:Like how you always say do you have to train your voice? Yeah, you have to train your voice to sing. It's a muscle.
Speaker 2:Just like the saying I've got to learn how to walk or learn how to dribble a basketball, learn how to run a 40, like all of those things.
Speaker 2:I think those conceptually just made sense to you guys because you knew that there was coaches or people who were, who were outside of you, who can give you those gifts yeah so I'd never fault you guys for not knowing what the right thing to do was, especially because I was in such a completely different sphere of interest that you guys didn't know how to nurture you know, I mean.
Speaker 2:So it's easy to watch um Blue Ivy, becausece knows what that looks like when you have an interest in wanting to sing and dance and you know like there's videos of blue growing up yeah for she's in rehearsal, she's dancing behind beyonce and it's like you know people be like oh, that's cute, look at her mom she's really learning, she really wants to do that and so when you see her now, she's 13 on a freaking national tour, world tour. Sold out stadium. Yes and did freaking amazing you see what I'm saying, so it's like but, but her parents are, because they're in arts yeah, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Whenever I'm in rehearsal, blue is dancing with her. She must like dancing, you know. So I think. I think it's just not something that we're aware of now. If I had a toddler or a newborn baby who was singing Earth, wind and Fire and didn't even know how to talk, I would look at him and say, oh, he really likes singing.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I miss the mark.
Speaker 2:You didn't really learn. You didn't really learn. But I can't fault you because once again, you didn't know, I didn't know, know.
Speaker 1:You don't know what that natural gift looks like and I also think it wasn't. It wasn't on the radar. I lived in survival mode a lot of your childhood. I'm just trying to. I was trying to figure out my life, you know, and in survival mode, and we had a small village. Thank you, jesus, that we did with my sister and my mom and you know you mentioned William and and and Gabriel that we had a village to try to figure all those things out that were supporting us and helping us and and all those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:And now here we are, at this stage of life, your mother's in her 50s and I told y'all, I told y'all, act just like me. And then here comes cancer yeah like and I felt like cancer came right at the moment where I felt like I was getting my stride.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it did. I remember all the conversations we had, yeah, cause I moved home that February. Okay At the end of February that year, and then you got diagnosed that October.
Speaker 1:Was it the same year?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:I don't remember. I don't remember it being the same year, but okay, it was the same year I had just moved home. Okay.
Speaker 2:I was really just starting to get into entertainment television film.
Speaker 1:That was the year I worked my first BET Awards. Okay, yes.
Speaker 2:So did that, and then had October come around no, it was November because I was about to work Soul Train Awards. I left for Soul Train Awards and you called me that Monday and they said the doctor called you back and said the biopsy came back positive and it was cancer.
Speaker 1:What was your thoughts, what were you thinking or how did you feel?
Speaker 2:It was a lot to process, yeah, but I also think a lot of times my emotional state goes into, like you said, survival mode.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I felt like I didn't really have a lot of time to worry or sulk, I guess is the word I called my friends. That's probably the first time my friends ever saw me cry. Oh, you cry. Yeah, I guess is the word I called my friends. That's probably the first time my friends ever saw me cry.
Speaker 1:Oh, you cry, yeah, I cried a few times.
Speaker 2:I cried a few times I called my friends. It was the first time my friends ever saw me cry and I made sure to never let you see that, because I never saw it. Yeah, yeah, I made sure to never, but I know my child too.
Speaker 2:I know he cried at some point. He's a cry baby. I know you did, yeah, but I never wanted you to see that because I felt like that took away from what you were going through and I think I'm gonna tell you, my biggest fear was if it was worse than I thought it was going to be, was was leaving you behind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was my biggest fear, and not to say like fear of death.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was. Had I prepared you well enough? Right, were you going to be secure enough? Mm-hmm, the first thing in my mind was oh my God, my house is not in order, you know, like financially, making sure you were going to be okay, because there are no siblings, you know, did I, did I teach you all the things to make sure you were going to be this great man? Like you start thinking about all of these things. It wasn't.
Speaker 1:It wasn't me yeah that came to my mind it was oh my god, what's gonna happen with you?
Speaker 1:And I don't know if that's the mommy, parent thing or whatever that is, but it was more so. Whatever happens with me is going to happen with me. I'm going to fight or whatever. But if I didn't make it or don't make it, what's going to happen with my son? I instilled all the things that I should have to make sure that you were going to be a great man Financially. Is he gonna be struggling because you had just moved like home, like you saying? You know you just moved back home. Do I have everything financially? Okay, you use your life insurance in order like all these were the things that came in.
Speaker 1:My mind was like was I a good mom? Yeah to make sure that you were gonna be yeah okay that's valid.
Speaker 2:That's valid. I don't think I ever really even had time to consider that that was the first thing yeah, for me. I don't really feel like I had time to consider that, because I think dad had also just told me about yeah he, your dad, had a health scare yeah, dad had also just told me about his stuff, and, and then here you know.
Speaker 1:Right behind you.
Speaker 2:We knew the next year. Some change was going to be weird. I think it was the first time I considered the mortality of my parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're human.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's like we know that, right, but it's not until that that you know they say faced with it oh, like this can happen to anybody yeah you know, but I, I also, I, you know, I'm a believer everything happens for a reason. Yeah, um, I I think that that changed my outlook on a lot of things that I was doing in my life. Yeah, um, that was when I I decided, you know, okay, I'm going to sing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to sing. Yeah, yeah, I've decided for tomorrow is not promised.
Speaker 2:I had to say life is too short. But I mean, life really is too short.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I felt like I had invested a lot of like my talents and capabilities into doing stuff for yeah, and I don't mind doing that, but I didn't feel like I was getting anything that made me feel good, yeah, um, so shout out to cancer for that. You did one thing right.
Speaker 2:Um, still sucks yeah, yeah still sucks and honestly, if I feel like if I hadn't started that around that time, that it would have been a much bigger strain on our relationship. I think cancer was a really big strain on our relationship and it it didn't really leave me a lot of room to vocalize how I was feeling going through that you know trying to be so considerate of me yeah, which is fine.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, but you were going through a lot and obviously that takes a toll on you mentally and emotionally, and so I hope I wasn't that bad I mean, I can't say you were or weren't, because I don't really know what, what it's supposed to look like. Yeah, I can't say you were or weren't, but I do know that it was a lot more tense between the two of us a lot of times.
Speaker 1:And for things we couldn't even control. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're mad because you can't feel your feet. What am I? I was mad at everybody. You need to get over it. Well, you can't, but I at least had things that I was working on to be able to I hate to say get away from you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to get away from me and I wanted to always make sure, like I know, a lot of times you didn't want to leave me or like you didn't want to go places and I was like no, no, please go. Yeah, I'm fine, I'm not going to do anything, but go to sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't need to sit here and watch me sleep. So go, do, go, go, hang out with your friends, go to the studio, go to go, all those things, because I didn't want you to feel like your life had to stop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't feel like it did. I definitely felt like going through that gave me a lot of anxiety, even when I would leave. I was trying to come back quick as hell. I don't want to be gone for a very long time. My room is right beneath yours so to this day, you drop anything. I'm like you. Good, it was a lot of hyper-vigilance and I think that that also. I also felt that way because you would never really tell me just how bad it was I didn't want you to know how bad it was and you would.
Speaker 2:You would kind of give me a sneak, you would tell me here and there. Yeah, I mean, but you're generally someone who's super self-sufficient. You don't like asking for help, you don't really want to take the help, but but it was hard to even feel like it was you and me against it because physically there's nothing I can do for you. Mm-hmm, you know what I mean. And when you don't feel good, you go into your boss lady mode.
Speaker 2:I do what would I do? And so, even in trying to be helpful or be there, I didn't really have a lot of options with you. I can't physically help you, I can't financially help you, I can't emotionally support you. You don't really allow me.
Speaker 1:I think you did emotionally support me. I think I emotionally supported you when you allowed me to emotionally support you.
Speaker 2:I think you did emotionally support me. I think you, I think I emotionally supported you when you allowed me to emotionally support you.
Speaker 1:I give you that.
Speaker 2:I think when you felt like it, it happened. I'm terrible, you're not terrible, but we all have our ways.
Speaker 1:But you know what I think it was. The thing is again. I think it's mommy mode. I didn't want you to see that I was suffering well, it's only you and me. I know, but I still.
Speaker 2:I didn't have a lot of other places to look. I know, but I still didn't want you to see the struggle or that I was suffering yeah, and I think sometimes feeling I felt kind of shut out of that and it felt it felt sometimes like a damned if I do, damned if I don't type of situation where it's like I'm sorry you felt like that I mean, but that's never a game, it's not really much I can do, you know, and obviously a lot of the support that you would have gotten would typically come from a husband or a partner.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. So when that's not there, it's like I didn't really feel like there was a place for me in that support system. Now, obviously I know I still did and I know that. I thought you were very supportive yeah, I mean it's like those things still happen again perceptions but I did feel a lot of times like I felt like I had to fight you to be there for you.
Speaker 1:You did yeah.
Speaker 2:You did.
Speaker 1:And I can say that for sure.
Speaker 2:You did.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to feel like a burden to anybody, so the best thing was not to have nobody around when it was bad. It was just bad and deal with it.
Speaker 2:It's valid and I think that's kind of how we all would end up going through it, I think, sometimes just on the outside, being the support party it was like if I'm here, it don't matter, if I'm gone it don't matter. Sometimes it felt like do you really even need me here? And obviously I didn't kind of fall into that or just be like you know, I'm just not going to be here.
Speaker 2:I never felt that from you yeah, but I do feel like going through that it was. It was tough because I I also had never had to be there for you, right, not in that capacity. And then the first time it happens, it's like oh, cancer and I think um part of that too was again not.
Speaker 1:I felt like this was some shit I had to deal with and again I need therapy, because I feel like now I need therapy after cancer.
Speaker 2:What'd you?
Speaker 1:say I need therapy. Okay, oh, you need me to repeat it? No, I've said it multiple times I need therapy and need to call Dr Angela. I say it every week and for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:I haven't.
Speaker 1:But that too, adhd, that, that too. But it's giving me some anxiety, like you know, I don't. I don't trust my body, I don't trust myself. You know, during, during chemo and all that kind of stuff, I couldn't go far from the house because you don't know what your, your body's getting ready to do. You know you couldn't hold house because you don't know what your, your body's getting ready to do. You know you couldn't hold food in. You didn't know what was going to happen. So somehow, in the midst of all that, now coming out of it, I've adapted those habits. So it's hard to leave the house sometimes. Um, I still question my body, uh, the neuropathy. You know, when the damage, the chemo, damaged the nerves in my hands and my feet, even now, like I went to take a open a pill bottle, I still can't grip I think my hand won't grip something and and firmly hold it to twist.
Speaker 1:You know I couldn't open my own water bottles. You know my feet. I couldn't feel my feet, I stopped exercising.
Speaker 2:It's hard to exercise when you can't feel your feet side note, it's very funny you say that the habits we take out of it, because you know, anytime now I had somebody a ball of water, I open it for me right as you always open my water, thanks, I think, yeah, but I had to.
Speaker 1:I mean, so it's just some things that I think I've got to kind of get out of my head a little bit yeah. That I'm a little bit in my head.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I wanted to publicly say thank you for supporting me. Don't you start. I hate you. You know I can't stand you. Okay, this it was tough. So I know it was tough for me and I know it was tough for you. I'm sure it was tough for you to watch.
Speaker 2:You said you were talking about clenching butt cheeks. Oh, no, no.
Speaker 1:You got Stephanie off on the side telling him clench his butt, cheeks so he won't cry. But I know it was tough to watch. I know it was a tough journey. I know I wasn't always the most pleasant of people to be around.
Speaker 1:I know I probably pushed you away a lot but that also was my way of defending protecting myself, but also in protecting you, like I didn't I. I want you to see me in certain ways, but that was that conversation from earlier where we say you know what the things that you do, even though you are 20 something years old it's still mommy mode to hide the things that you do, even though you are 20-something years old. It's still mommy mode to hide those things from you to hide how you feel, to hide, you know, when things aren't the greatest yeah.
Speaker 2:Just period Once again. You know, like I say, everything happens for a reason. I think there was. I think our communication improved Absolutely this morning.
Speaker 1:And you know, we still have our moments, but there was a time where you couldn't say anything or I couldn't say anything. We were very defensive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were very on eggshells and I think being in this post-cancer space has made both of us just a lot more receptive to leaning back into our relationship and actually I don't want't say getting back to enjoying each other, because we've always enjoyed each other, but not having that like walking on eggshells, feel about it and actually having the conversations. That makes our relationship a lot because you check me a lot.
Speaker 1:I mean a lot someone has a lot. Once again, if there was a husband he'd be doing a lot, but sometimes I'm prepping you to send you out into the world okay, but I'm gonna say a lot of times you're right but, damn, let me have one.
Speaker 2:No, every once in a while like no, you've had the episodes about generational traumas and crisis. You know what I mean, but I do think a lot of it a lot of times in the black community is not and you don't do this, but not seeing children as people worthy of like respect or yeah, or just in decency. You know, and you were never like that. You were never your child. Stay in your place or da-da-da-da. You know what I mean. But sometimes I mean you do fall, like all parents. Do you fall into that? Do as I say, not as I do, because I said so, da-da-da-da. And part of being an adult, like we said, is dropping the curtain. I see, I see the bullshit, sometimes Like that's what you did just say, but.
Speaker 2:I think, I think a lot of times when we get into it. Sometimes you view it as like a me versus you type of situation.
Speaker 1:OK, but can I say this Can I? Interject. Most of the time is tone.
Speaker 2:It is not the message, it is tone. I agree.
Speaker 1:It's not the message. I agree, and you should know me well enough to know by now that if you take a certain tone with me, I don't care what your message is, because I can't hear you at that point.
Speaker 2:But that's why I don't talk to you that way. Or I've gotten a lot better, you've gotten better. I come to you a lot more often and say I apologize, I didn't mean to say it that way.
Speaker 1:Yes, you did, I was just hungry and that's that.
Speaker 2:I was just hungry. I'm hungry now. Before you see that, we see the others, I know, but I think I think a lot of times when we get into it you view it as a you versus me and in my head it's you and me versus confusion. So when I come to you, a lot of times I'm trying to explain something to you. I'm not trying to argue with you.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to get to the point of clarity okay, but the the tone of the message or the way that you deliver the message I come and say mom, can I talk to you really quick? Sometimes put me at defense. No, that, no, you do now we're talking about now and we haven't had problems we haven't had a problem with that. But yeah, I think part of that just is just learning how to communicate with you as an adult and not just as my child yeah, because you can't just tell me stuff I know, but I never just told you stuff before, did I?
Speaker 1:okay, anyway, look, we're gonna be here all day. All right, we'll be here all day, but yeah, I, I love our relationship. Um, when you going out of town, I'm sad you leave and then I'd be happy you go and then you'd be going about 24 hours and I'd be like, okay, well, when is he coming back? Yeah, you'd be going you're gonna have a great time, I know, but I'm glad I'm.
Speaker 1:but you know what? I'm so happy for the opportunities that your dad gave you to travel as a kid, just being able to travel with you myself now, even as an adult, and I'm actually looking forward to. You know, your dad and his wife Terry.
Speaker 2:I am too.
Speaker 1:Are actually going on a trip with one of the Southern Soul. Getaway with us, because it'll be an opportunity for one, for you, to spend more time with your dad and in a real casual kind of setting.
Speaker 2:I'll be working. I'm going to have him taking shots at a jacuzzi bar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see how that happens. Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see how that happens. Careful we'll see if that happens, but I'm very glad for the way our relationship has evolved and I think it's just going to get better yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:Okay, so last question what do you feel like is the best trade I've gotten from you and the worst trade I've gotten from you?
Speaker 1:they're actually exactly the same thing it's the best and the worst okay, um, you've gotten my well one. We'll start with adhd, let's talk about that. But no, you've gotten my sense of you can do anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can do anything, you yeah.
Speaker 1:You can do anything. You're good at everything. Yeah, you're good at anything, and if you say you want to do it, damn it, it's going to get done. But that also is terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:At the same time, because I can do anything, because you can do anything Right. So sometimes it's hard to stay focused on this because there is no limit, but I hope you keep that too, like don't ever let anybody put you in a box.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's valid.
Speaker 1:Do? Do you do it? Well, just just know that if you're going to do it, just give it your best. And what mom always say throw it against the wall until it sticks you. Just, you just keep doing it. So I think you got that's. It's a good thing, and it could be a bad thing I like it, it's fun.
Speaker 2:So okay, you want to do your sign off now, like, how does that? We want to?
Speaker 1:I know I'm gonna fist bump with you and I'm gonna say thank you for joining me on this mother's day edition of timeless and unfiltered thank you for having me. I hope the mic might have shared a little more about me than I wanted, or or I don't know.
Speaker 2:We'll see. Welcome to the other side of that, welcome to the other side of having your business all in the streets. I know right, I can't wait to put more of your business in more streets.
Speaker 1:Do I have any business to put in the streets?
Speaker 2:We'll find out.
Speaker 1:I'm going to my 50s. Hello, get ready, get ready.
Speaker 2:But thank you guys for joining us on another episode of timeless and unfiltered. I'm lagra and you are oh yeah, hey guys, I'm the voice.
Speaker 1:Thanks for spilling the tea with me on midlife. One laugh at a time, we'll see y'all. Thanks for watching, guys.
